"Move, or I'll kill you. And I'll grind your bones to make my bread. Fucker."
"We go to the casino every Friday or Saturday morning...and we go early, so we can avoid the bus people and the Chinese."
"Hey. I'm not fussing. I don't do anything for him (me) that I don't do for you (my stepdad).
....alright. Within reason. None o'that goddamn...Oedipal shit."
"He walks around farting all the time, and he eats cat shit out of the box like it's fuggin'...Almond Roca, or somethin'."
"If James Earl Jones came on the TV and told me to get off the fuckin' chair and lie on the floor, I would. Because it sounds like God's talkin' to you."
"You can tell that men write these commercials. Women don't have period experiences. They have "Oh. FUCK.""
"You know...I'm so glad I ordered breath-mints for dogs. That dog must be eating shit or somethin'."
"Then there's that sumbitch on The Jersey Housewives...what's his name, The fuckin' Situation?! Who calls themselves that? It's stupid, I tell ya..."
"Guess who called? ________. Yeah, no shit. You could have a better conversation with an amoeba."
"'...You know, I really oughtta given my mother that 100 grand....otherwise she wouldn'ta had to eat cat food when she was 65...'"
"You know there's no prohibition of gambling in the Bible? None. Guess they knew that gambling was gonna be a big fundraising thing even then!"
To be continued.
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