Well...

Since December 14th, I have eaten about 1000 amazing bagels, had about a swimming pool of coffee, and have spent numerous hours visiting with family, watching Bones (a show that I happen to enjoy greatly now), playing - and losing - 6000 games of Scrabble, and sleeping in until whenever I wanted every day.

It has been boring, but in the good, peaceful, quiet, restorative kind of way, if that makes sense. It's been good to see people, catch up with family, not worry about school or work or anything, and just....spend some time away from the Pull-Cow, at any rate.

Which isn't to say I don't miss my car, my friends, my bed, or my "stuff", because I do, but not as much as I thought I would. I mean, I always figured, in the months leading up to this trip, that by week 2, I'd be climbing up the walls looking for things to do, people to meet, and adventures to embark on. Turns out, that's not the case. There is more than enough time for adventure and chaos in the next week, with at least 2 forays into the city, and there is time for new things and people when I get back to Moscow, and have no job. For now, though?

I'm off to go read Chaucer on my Kindle, wearing my new burgundy bathrobe and fuzzy slippers, in a wingback recliner, with a cup of coffee, while my stepdad reads his Kindle on the couch and my mom sleeps upstairs. Fuck adventure. Tonight, my life is perfect.

QOTD:

"One word frees us of all the weight and pain of life: that word is love." - Sophocles

Shit My Mom Says 2010

"Move, or I'll kill you. And I'll grind your bones to make my bread. Fucker."

"We go to the casino every Friday or Saturday morning...and we go early, so we can avoid the bus people and the Chinese."

"Hey. I'm not fussing. I don't do anything for him (me) that I don't do for you (my stepdad).
....alright. Within reason. None o'that goddamn...Oedipal shit."

"He walks around farting all the time, and he eats cat shit out of the box like it's fuggin'...Almond Roca, or somethin'."

"If James Earl Jones came on the TV and told me to get off the fuckin' chair and lie on the floor, I would. Because it sounds like God's talkin' to you."

"You can tell that men write these commercials. Women don't have period experiences. They have "Oh. FUCK.""

"You know...I'm so glad I ordered breath-mints for dogs. That dog must be eating shit or somethin'."

"Then there's that sumbitch on The Jersey Housewives...what's his name, The fuckin' Situation?! Who calls themselves that? It's stupid, I tell ya..."

"Guess who called? ________. Yeah, no shit. You could have a better conversation with an amoeba."

"'...You know, I really oughtta given my mother that 100 grand....otherwise she wouldn'ta had to eat cat food when she was 65...'"

"You know there's no prohibition of gambling in the Bible? None. Guess they knew that gambling was gonna be a big fundraising thing even then!"

To be continued.

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Traveling always makes me observant of things. It’s now 8:30pm EST, and I’ve been traveling and such since 4:30am PST. In that time, I’ve noticed:

1)     The further East you go, the less amused people become in general. Over in Spokane, a smartass comment about pretty much anything is guaranteed at least one chuckle. Here in Detroit, it mostly just gets me a stare or two.

2)     There is no one sentence fragment more terrifying to overhear in an airport, from airport staff, than “…but I think he’s still sober, so…..” (in a doubtful, negative tone. Like his being sober is a bad thing. I was afeared.

3)     People with rolling luggage remind me strangely of dogs and their owners when they’re walking around in airports. They never let go of the handle (which looks like a leash when it’s trailing behind them), and they seem to have a wrist motion that calls their luggage to ‘heel’ when they step onto escalators. I suppose it might just be jet lag, exhaustion, and boredom, but there’s a slight visual/behavioral parallel there, and I find it amusing.

4)     There is apparently a $200 fee to transfer baggage between airlines under certain circumstances. I overheard a VERY loud man on his phone in Spokane talking about that, and he actually said, “Well…that damn Shylock sure got his 10 lbs. of flesh outta me!” The anti-Semitism in that sentence upsets me greatly, but the Shakespeare reference makes me kinda happy. I am still conflicted.

5)   Our plane was found to have a failing engine in Spokane, and thank god they caught it on the runway and not 2 hours in. While we were back in the airport, waiting for it to be fixed, I met a Canadian personal trainer named Alli, who is apparently going to Vienna for the holidays. She has confirmed my suspicions, after I asked her about Canada.

·          They DO drive sleds in the winter and rickshaws in the summer.

·         They DO say ‘eh?’ at the end of some sentences.

·         They DO NOT have telephones. Instead, they have small people living under the floors of their homes, and when they stomp on the floor, the little man will deliver messages.

·         They have one “good season” and three “bad ones”.

All of that aside, however, the wait was far more bearable with her remarkable optimism and wit, and the company of another guy, who owns and drives his own semi truck, and happens to be just grumpy and bitter and cynical enough to be amusing.

6)    Met a girl from UI, who may or may not be inspiration for a scene in some show someday, as she seemed to fall asleep literally every 2-5 minutes, which could be hilarious on stage. She was in the seat next to me, and we had a pretty good time of the 3-hour flight, when we were both awake.

Finally got home at about midnight, thank God.

QOTD:

"You know, we like to go to the casino every Friday or Saturday morning, and we go early, to avoid the Chinese and the 'Bus People'." - My mother.

Monday, December 13, 2010

Not a whole lot goin’ on today. Took care of last-minute things before heading to Jersey for the holidays, and had my History final. Tests in this class are made up of 3 parts. Map, Identification, and Essay. The map portion includes a map of the world, with letters in 10 different locations, and we are given a list of 10 corresponding locations, and have to write the appropriate letter next to each word. For example, on my test, I had to write: 1 – Kenya = D

                      2 – Nagasaki = A

Etc. etc. and while this MIGHT MAYBE be difficult if I had to find the locations on my own, the fact that they’re all labeled for us makes it completely ridiculous. Also, there are typically only 1-2 such questions per continent, so if you know what country or half of the world a given city/state/country is in, you’re probably alright. That being said, past tests have included such questions as “India”, “Russia”, and “Pacific Ocean”.

So, the final pretty much just involved me being a smartass, with comments like, 

“PS – Really glad there are no oceans on this test’s map section. Boy, those always throw me for a loop!”

And, when asked to identify The Great Depression, responses such as this one:

“Now, while the title makes me think that this was just a bunch of unhappy guys, or one REALLY upset fella…(actually, that reminds me of this one time this girl named Miranda told me…wait. Nevermind. Back to History.) The Great Depression was ACTUALLY ………….and it lasted until the 1930s, with FDR’s New Deal and the Nazi party invading Poland and starting World War II. Which, really, might have been the only good thing that ol’Adolf ever did. The ending the Depression part. Not the Poland part.”

So, really, I was pretty much just a smartass. Trip up to Spokanistan was uneventful, and the hotel room was nice. Pretty boring day otherwise.

QOTD:

"Live a life less ordinary

Live a life extraordinary with me.
If I could name you in this song
Would it make you smile and sing along?
This is the goal: to get into your soul
If I could make you dance for joy" - Carbon Leaf, Life Less Ordinary

Sunday, December 12, 2010

Woke up kinda late-ish, as I’d told my boss that I would come into work early to talk to him about things, so I ran there, and told him that I was quitting. He seemed pretty OK with that, which I guess kinda took some of the satisfaction out of it, but I’m still going to be free soon, and that’s just fine by me. Got a call from a friend of mine that went like this,

“Hey…so, you’ll never guess what happened to ‘Chad’^* last night.”

“K, what happened?”

“He got so drunk that the police found him passed out in a ditch. They took him door to door to figure out where he lived, and his roommates took him in, and he locked his room key in his room, so he fuckin’ tackled his door and barreled his ass right through it. But then he started being a bitch and throwing a complete tantrum for about a half hour about them trying to get him cleaned up, and moving his computer so he wouldn’t throw up on it, so they called the cops on him.”

“Wait…really? That’s fantastic.”

“Oh, it get’s better. Cops came, had to take him to jail for causing such a goddamn ruckus that his roommates didn’t want him in the apartment anymore. So they tell him to get his pants on so they can go, and he refuses. He refuses again when they ask him a couple more times, so they took Chad to jail. Without any goddamn pants.”

“Hey, Bill^*?”

“Yeah?”

“That’s incredible. Thank you for calling me, JUST to tell me this story. My whole day has been made.”

*: Names have been changed in this story, because it’s kind of embarrassing and/or incriminating.

QOTD:

"they took Chad to jail. Without any goddamn pants."

Saturday, December 11, 2010

Wellll, today was probably the single best day ever. It began with a bit of a hangover and an early work shift, which is sort of alright, I suppose, but when I did get into work, I was greeted by my manager, who watched me open the doors AT 10 (we open at 10am, and I’m supposed to be there a bit early, but…well…I wasn’t) and proceeded to simply stand about, watching me scramble around the store with a limp from messing up my ankle the night prior, for THREE HOURS. Now, I’m not saying that I was completely devoid of blame, as getting there late was 100% my fault, but I was helping between 2 and 6 customers at a time for the entire duration of those three hours, and trying to turn machines on, run jobs, and change into my uniform at the same time, and through all of this, not ONE customer was helped by him. Not one. That is unacceptable behavior, as far as I am concerned, because regardless of my lack of punctuality, the customers still need to be treated as our absolute number 1 priority, and he was already there, and is paid a salary, so it’s not as if he had to clock in or influence our payroll budget at all by greeting people or making copies.

Anyway, after all of that madness, I decided that enough was enough, and that my time at my job was coming to an end, so I wrote my letter of resignation. I have never quit a job before, at least not one that mattered at all, and the whole thing began as somewhat terrifying, and became rather exhilarating as I realized that in the coming months and years, my life would continue without any of the bitterness or resentment I’d been developing towards weekends (those are the only shifts I work as of right now). I was in a rather good mood, which did WONDERS for the Improv show I had to perform in immediately after work with members of Nuthouse in Pullman, as well as guests from GUTS, a Theater sports-style group from Gonzaga University. The cast included 10 people, and they were all incredible. The show was not perfect by any means, but it was certainly the most fun and most energetic one I’d done in quite some time, which led to a pretty fantastic experience from the audience, if their applause and cheers were any indicator.

After the show, I went back to Moscow, met up with some guys from the house for a few minutes, to celebrate one of them graduating, as well as the end of my 5 years of working, but I was very quickly regretting my decision to not go to the show’s after-party in Pullman. So, I called up one of the guys from the show, we got in my car, and we went. This…was a fantastic decision. Saw all of the Nuthouse players from the evening there, as well as some of the members of the audience, who could not stop talking about how great the show was, and how White Tie and GUTS were so new and exciting for them to watch, which made me feel pretty good about things. Also met a girl who OPENED our conversation like so:

Girl: “You’re Richard, from White Tie, right?”

Me: “Umm….yes….?”

Girl: “I just want you to know, I could listen to your voice all night long.”

Between that and the night prior, my confidence has never been higher. Ever. After discovering much later that she has a boyfriend of 3 years, I found new people to chat with. I met one girl who swore like a sailor, drank like a fish, and had a wit like a razor. I was in love. Ended up swapping stories and bullshitting with her and whoever else happened to come into the room for a couple of hours, and made a ton of new friends. Went home, and slept the best sleep I’ve had in as long as I can remember.

Like I said, best day ever.

QOTD:

"If you like a man's laugh before you know anything of him, you may say with confidence that he is a good man."
-Fyodor Dostoevsky

PS - http://www.youtube.com/user/GUTheaterSports#p/u/15/b-VG7CRIZY0 for the show! Found it on youtube!

Friday, December 10, 2010

First of all, it was kind of awesome to finish with my Latin class today, instead of having to wait until next Friday, the 17^th. A delay of a week would’ve made flying to Jersey far too expensive to manage, what with the proximity to Christmas and such. That being said, today, I was taking my friend Chris to the liquor store, so that he could come to a party with me. The moment we walked in, the liquor store employee, a woman in her 50s, immediately asked us if we knew what a router looked like, and if we could help her find it. Apparently we just have that kind of aura of nerdiness. 

Anyway, after we helped them find it, a conversation broke out (don’t ask me how it started, as I honestly can’t remember) about what age men come into their prime physically and emotionally. The woman behind the counter informed us that the magic number is 35 for men, and 40 for women. My friend Chris replied that he had heard that the numbers were more like 19 and 24, respectively, and the woman just began to grin. After she started laughing for a moment, she stopped herself from finishing a sentence beginning with, “Umm…actually…well, nevermind.” I finally coaxed her into completing her though, and she told me that she knew from firsthand experience that men were not really in their prime until their 30s. She had a sort of half-sheepish, half-proud smile on her face as she winked at us, rang Chris out, and bid us a good day on our way out the door. That kind of honesty and humor from an otherwise very strict, stern woman (I’ve dealt with her before) made my day.

Afterwards, we went to the going-away party mentioned above, and things progressed in normal, college-house-party-esque fashion, complete with drunken tomfoolery, meeting strangers, “dancing” – though I’m not sure it could be called that by even the most liberal of standards, and going 3-0 at the beginning of the night in that faithful pastime of college students everywhere – Beer pong. One girl even identified herself multiple times as “That girl” while stumbling around. 

QOTD:

“Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we're here we should dance”

12/09/2010

AGAIN with the missing a day. Not good, Richard. Not good.


Last night, I got a call at about 8:30 from Brianne, who wanted me to come downtown to celebrate her friend's successful Thesis defense. So, I went, with no desire to drink, and no money to buy a drink anyway, just for funsies. Had a pretty good night, got to meet Brianne's friends a little better than I have, and incidentally ran into another fella, whom I've run into before, but have never really liked. Turns out, he's a pretty OK guy these days, as he gave up drinking and his former man-trampy ways and converted to Mormonism. There were some sad drunks, and there was some pretty heavy conversation for a celebratory night at the bars, but that was perfectly alright as well, and in fact, led to a greater understanding of the fantastic people I've allowed into my life. 


Also, I've come to a realization. I have an AWFUL memory for certain things. Turns out, I need to write in this blog daily, and carry a notebook with me at all times, not because I constantly have epiphanies or profound thoughts, but because I keep forgetting all of the little moments and stories that this blog is supposed to be dedicated to, which results in much more general, less interesting overviews of my life, as opposed to a record of all of the times I influenced the people around me for the better. I know I wrote about this shortcoming just a couple of entries ago, perhaps a week, but it is still true, and still needs to be rectified. As of tomorrow, my semester is over, as I will be taking my Latin final exam and my music history online quiz, and I only have a final on Monday in History, which should take me approximately 15 minutes to complete, if past tests have been any indication. Also have a 4 page paper due on Thursday at noon, but that should be no problem at all. Latin, however...Latin is a big, scary beast of an obstacle between me and Jersey, and one that will haunt me for the next 12 hours. So, I'm off to go sleep, then study, head to class, and kick that test's ass. Goodnight.


         -Richard


QOTD:
""There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are messengers of overwhelming grief...and unspeakable love." 


AND, in contrast:


"Honest good humor is the oil and wine of a merry meeting, and there is no jovial companionship equal to that where the jokes are rather small and the laughter abundant." 


Both are by Washington Irving.

12/07/2010

Well, again, I am bad at things. Missed yesterday, mostly because I was out with friends until way too late, like an idiot. However, yesterday was pretty decent. Spent the afternoon with Jessie, writing my Music History paper. Introduced her to Mikey's, had some pretty excellent conversation, and introduced my neighbor, Chris, to Better Off Ted. Which he loves. Nothing overall outstanding or spectacular about the day, but it was a good one overall.

Today, however. Oh, today. Went to English class and then the One World Cafe, which apparently received a phone call from Khloe Kardashian's manager....? Supposedly, she was stopping in to Moscow, Idaho to visit Wheatberries Bakery and the Cafe. As much as all of us doubted the phone call was true, it was still amusing. Afterwards, went to Improv practice for the last time this year, and then off to go watch my neighbor's Theatre 101 final, which was a performance of a scene from Tartuffe. VERY funny, and he got to be a VERY creepy priest. Good times. Also saw an ad for a 1995 Cutlass Supreme for sale, for $1000. Apparently the car is in great shape, and the guy inherited it from a fella who passed away, and he can't drive it since he's in a wheelchair, so he's just trying to get rid of it. Seems like a pretty reasonable deal if I can swing it, so we'll see how it looks when I go take a look at it tomorrow.

Also, as of right now, I will be waiting to get final numbers on my 2010 Tax Returns and Spring 2011 Financial Aid, and if that all works out, I will be leaving my job for good. Thank God. It'll make next semester a frugal, scholastically productive, but kinda awesome semester. Here's hoping, eh? In an ideal world, I'll be getting enough to get this Cutlass, sell off my slowly collapsing, gas-guzzling beast of a vehicle, AND quit my job. Also, I'm on the top of the list for a University of Idaho Grant-writing internship over the summer, BUT they're not 100% sure that they'll be able to keep the job open, since their department budget is being cut, so when they find out, they're going to let me know, and if they can keep it open, the job is pretty much mine. Also considering a job writing for the University Newspaper, which pays $15 per article, which would average out to 120/month, if I wrote an article for each of the 2 papers printed in a week. Then, thirdly, there is the possibility that I'll be receiving a grant-writing internship with the University of Idaho Center for Disability and Human Development. All in all, a whole lot of potential employment opportunities, none of which involve photocopiers as a primary function. Which excites the shit out of me. That's all, and we'll see how things go.

                                      -Richard

QOTD:
"You're only given a little spark of madness. You mustn't lose it."
          -Robin Williams

The weekend.

So, I realized this morning that I hadn't written anything for Friday OR Saturday. So, Today's post will encompass any stand-out moments from all 3 days.


Friday was incredibly busy, but excellent. Got paid, paid some bills, blah blah blah...but after that, had an hour of improv practice, a break, and then the second-to-last White Tie show of the semester. Show was decent...definitely fun, though technically sloppy at parts. Still, people laughed, and that's all that matters. Afterwards, we went to one guy's place for drinks and to chat about things, and while we weren't planning on anything super exciting, about a half a dozen of us ended up having a 4-hour chat on religion, music, and improv, while listening to vinyl records and sipping martinis. All in all, a pretty fantastic way to spend the night.


Saturday was spent mostly at work, and while the majority of customers were somewhat needy and naggy, I had a few that ended up being pretty alright. Specifically, one woman promised me free coffee for visiting her cafe, and another man and I had a pretty interesting conversation about the nuances of Santa Claus costumes. Turns out that they run about $75 for the cheap ones, and the one that this guy has costs about $150, though the one he really wants runs about $300. I had no idea the market for Santa costumes was so competitive, or that they actually come in crushed red velvet with rabbit fur. But apparently they do. Color me surprised. Saturday's show was...alright. I'm still beating myself up over a few stupid little mistakes, but people seemed to enjoy it (all 6 that showed up), so I suppose there's that. Afterwards, went to a going-away/birthday party for one of the members of the group, and had a pretty great time there. Met a girl, only to discover that she's moving out of town in a couple of weeks. That's life, I guess. 


Today went by alright. Woke up late because of last night's drinking, went to work, went to a concert afterwards for music history, and came home to write this. Nothing super interesting, Sorry. Flute recitals, as it turns out, have the incredible ability to simultaneously sound whiny and shrieky, AND put me to sleep. It's magic, I think. There's no other explanation.


Anyway, that's all I've got today. I suppose if I'd written on the actual ays, I'd have gone into more detail, but frankly my memory is awful and I'm tired. So....have a good night, folks!


      -Richard




QOTD:

“I like persons better than principles, and I like persons with no principles better than anything else in the world.”

Abraham       -Oscar Wilde

12/02/2010

Well, not a whole hell of a lot to report today...went to class, listened to some folks talk about some things, and then went to get a cup of coffee at my friend's cafe. Learned that "Shut your mouth", when directed at the adorable female barista, is a pretty surefire way to get a free coffee. At least, I think that's a foolproof plan. It worked once, so....I'm gonna go ahead and say that it's science. So there you are, readers. Science. Right here. Aside from that, went and visited another friend of mine later in the afternoon at the restaurant he owns...had some lunch, and then got to chat with their regular weekly Marine customers. One of them told me of his best friend's plan to personally bring down the WBC (Westboro Baptists), and a few of us also decided that there is no way on God's green earth that we are going to miss the World Cup 2014 in Brazil. It sounds like it will be the most incredible, insane, drunken, half-naked celebration ever. I'm already excited to go. But, baby steps, right? Bed first, I think. Two more shows this weekend, which should be great, especially as they're the last 2 of the semester.....here's hopin'!

            -Richard

QOTD:

"“To love is to risk not being loved in return. To hope is to risk pain. To try is to risk failure, but risk must be taken because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing.”

12/01/2010

Well, first of all, apologies for missing yesterday's update. I was writing essays for a class until late into the morning, and I didn't have it in me to type another word after the clock struck 3.

    Anyway, yesterday was remarkably busy. Had 2 classes, 2 concerts to attend for music history, 4 short essays to write, and a latin exam to study for, which was this morning. After all was said and done, I came home cold, soaking wet, and exhausted.

Today, however, was somewhat less busy. Had lunch with a random stranger today, which was awesome. I was walking out of the UI commons cafeteria place, and I passed a guy, so, being polite, I greeted him, and asked how he was doing. He replied with, "Oh...you know...grandma's in the hospital, so, whatever." I don't know what possessed me at that moment, but I inquired further, and found out that she had taken a nasty fall on Thanksgiving out in the ice, and had busted up and/or bruised her hip, arm, and nose. He explained half-heartedly, as if I didn't particularly care, but after I expressed genuine interest, he followed me out to the tables, sat down, and we started chatting. I never did get his name, but he is studying Chemical Engineering, he is a sophomore, and he is a fairly devout Mormon from Boise. After our 15 minutes or so of talking about school, his grandmother, how much he dislikes living in the dorms, growing up in Boise, etc. we parted ways, and he stopped me on my way out the door to thank me for having lunch with him, as he needed a laugh.

YES.

                    -Richard

QOTD:
"Time you enjoyed wasting, was not wasted." - John Lennon

11/29/2010

So, the last bit of school began today, and while it was great to see the town filled with people again, I can't say I'm looking forward to the next 2 days or so. Have to go to 5 concerts for Music History, study for 2 different Latin exams, write a total of 9 pages, and read about 100. Going to be a rough week.

Today, however, featured one brilliant moment. I was heading up my driveway in my car, and I saw the fellow in front of me completely spin out, lose control, and do a 540 on the ice. His face was filled with complete terror and panic, and his knuckles were just as pale as the ground when he finally came to a halt, facing my car. So, what did I do? Certainly not anything even remotely adult or responsible. No, I put my car in park, got out, and began applauding and cheering. The men only a few feet away from me very quickly released all of that wound-up, adrenal terror they were feeling by looking up, seeing me, and laughing so hard that I could hear it through the closed windows of their Honda Civic. I got back into my car, backed up so that they could park, and pulled into a space, then got back out and yelled, "GUYS! THAT WAS AMAZING! 10 POINTS!" They were both still laughing, and cheering at the fact that they had survived unscathed.

And that, dear reader, in all of its humble, unassuming simplicity, was my good deed for the day. Turning a scary, world-shaking moment into an amusing one for two complete strangers in my apartment complex.

                -Richard


QOTD:
"The purpose of life, is to fight maturity" - Dick Werthimer

11/28/2010

Alright, turns out I was only mostly right yesterday. Same heinous Portland bitch came in today, and I did my damnedest, and it really didn't accomplish anything. Apparently, there are just people out there intentionally shutting themselves away from people, and running around being bastards on purpose.

In other news, had a pretty amusing conversation with the roommate tonight about his upbringing in Utah, and how apparently, one is "Mormon until proven guilty" down there. He called it a miserable, awkwardly Stepford place to live. They also apparently don't sell beer or liquor anywhere convenient, and when they find out that you're not Mormon, they do their best to shun you, so that you don't contaminate their families with your vile, sinful lifestyle.

That kinda makes me sick, but it was a pretty entertaining conversation with him, which is something that doesn't happen too often, so I thought I'd share it. Mostly I spent today at work, so nothing really exciting happened. Tomorrow, though. Tomorrow, I go back to school, get out of that soul-sucking building, and I can start living again, rather than just going through the motions. Goodnight, folks.


QOTD (slight paraphrase, as I can't remember the exact wording):
"You have great instincts. Now get out of your own way, and allow yourself to be awesome."
     -Quinn Hatch

11/27/2010

It's amazing to me how often people misunderstand what it means to provide customer service. It isn't about putting on a fake smile, enduring all of the hassle, and getting through the day. Customers can tell when you do things like that, and while they may not react unfavorably, they certainly will never leave your establishment feeling great about the service they received. In fact, great customer service isn't even about the customer at all. It's about the employee. I'm not talking about any bullshit preaching about 'attitude' or anything like that. I'm talking about how open an employee is, and how willing they are to truly connect with the customer on the other side of the counter. It is truly incredible how much you can get away with, not just by being helpful or polite, but by honestly establishing a connection with a customer, and allowing yourself to empathize with them.

Too often, my coworkers and I gripe about hearing a "life story" when a customer wants, for example, a single copy of a single piece of paper. These stories typically consist of a few minutes of rambling about the nature of the piece of paper in question, its history, the customer's current financial/medical/employment situation, or any number of other things.But what dawned on me today is, when a regular customer comes in to tell you a similar story, of similar length, we are typically more than happy to listen and provide an honest response. The only differences between the crazy old bitch rambling about her grandfather and the nice, fun, charming older lady telling you her exciting family history lie in the perception of the employee.

That being said, I had an incredibly good customer interaction today, as well as an incredibly bad one...and the only difference, honestly, was how much I gave a damn about the customer. The good one was early in the day. An older woman came in to have some things printed, and I've dealt with her on numerous occasions in the past, so I was having a fairly friendly conversation with her while I was sorting through her things, and when I asked about the specifics of her job, she began to have a sort of rambling, nervous, over-thinking panic attack. I didn't even think about the possible repercussions of my actions at this point, and instead took her gently by the wrists, set her hands down on the counter, looked her in the eye, and told her to take a deep breath, and stop worrying. She smiled, breathed in, and started laughing when she realized how worked up she had let herself get over something so trivial. I agreed, and after a moment or two for her to settle down I managed to get her job done quickly, while talking to her about her children (one is a UI law student, the other lives in New Hampshire and has a child), my school goals, my job, how long I'd been in Moscow, and all sorts of other things, which really just adds up to a very pleasant, legitimately friendly conversation between two people. It's moments like these that I remember why I still work in customer service.

Later in the afternoon, another, younger lady came in to have some things printed, and I was frustrated, as I was trying to take care of some other things, as well as preparing to close, and she began our conversation with, "So, I've got a project to print, and there are quite a few files on here for you to deal with." I was less than thrilled with her demanding tone, her judgmental looks at me, and her snide, half-sneering face as I took her drive, grabbed all of her files, and began to convert them from Word documents to PDF files, so I could combine them all and print them at once, instead of having to open and print 27 different files. After I printed them, I discovered that I didn't have her font, and so her files all looked weird. I explained that to her, and she glared at me, asking "well, what does that mean?" I asked her if she could convert the files to PDF on her computer, so that I wouldn't need the font, and so that they would print correctly, and rather than being helpful or cooperative with me, she got a shocked, almost-offended look and said, "So...am I getting a discount for wasting so much of my time?" I reluctantly agreed to give her a discount, and she went on to explain that "You know...in the Portland store, I just give them my files and they take care of everything for me. So I don't think I should have to waste all my time converting these..." I explained that obviously Portland has her font, and I don't, and so she asked if I was working tomorrow, which I confirmed, and then asked if I was the manager, obviously implying that she was going to be speaking with him about my interaction with her, before storming out of the store, stating "You know...I'll just deal with this later. I don't have time for this. It never took this long in Portland."

Yeah, I can look at that and say, 'You know, she was a bitch, it happens.' But that's not good enough. The truth of the matter is, I honestly cared about the first woman, and not about the second, and furthermore, I tried to be as genuine as possible to the first woman so that she would care about me as well, which I did not do with the second, and that made all the difference in my body language, tone and expression, all of which contributed to a shitty experience for the later customer.

QOTD:
"I am a storyteller. The type that went from place to place, gathered people in the square and transported them, inspired them, woke them up, shook their insides around so that they could resettle in a new pattern, a new way of being. It is a tradition that believes that the story speaks to the soul, not the ego... to the heart, not the head. In today’s world, we yearn so to ’understand’, to conquer with our mind, but it is not in the mind that a mythic story dwells." —Donna Jacobs Sife

11/26/2010

It dawned on me, upon reviewing my writing from yesterday, that I have apparently sort of lost sight of the focus of this blog. Rather than focusing on the small, brilliant moments, I've been writing on general impressions and mundane events. Time to fix that.


Thanksgiving, Part II - The bits I left out.


After dinner at Derek's, we all sat down to watch Home Alone 2, which I haven't seen in probably a decade or more. Turns out that movie is much more profound than I think anybody ever gave it credit for. I mean, Macaulay Culkin was certainly no Aristotle or anything, but he had a conversation with the creepy old pigeon lady that actually stopped all of us in our tracks as we were watching and chatting, so that we could appreciate what he was saying. 


Also, Wal-mart did feature some pretty excellent conversations, mostly involving Brianne shouting "Hey girl heeeyyy!" at random strangers. They were so confused, I couldn't help but laugh. 


Anyway, for today:


Woke up this morning to a breakfast involving homemade waffles at Brianne's place, watched Dustin argue with their broken water heater until it finally gave in and started working again, and then pretty much went straight into work. A regular customer came in and informed me of a memorial service being held on Sunday night for a well-known local man, and told me that the dress code for said memorial service involved at least one piece of tie-dye clothing or ski equipment (Apparently the fellow very much enjoyed both of those things), or something similarly celebratory/amusing/outlandish. I was delighted to hear this - coupled of course with sorrow in learning that he had passed away - as this is EXACTLY the sort of thing that needs to happen more often, and I was not exactly subtle in my excitement about the whole thing, which made my customer laugh like I haven't seen her laugh in a long time. It was glorious. Don't get me wrong, I completely understand and respect that the passing of a loved one is a sad thing, but I'm a huge advocate of the philosophy that a memorial service is for celebrating the life of the person, rather than emphasizing the loss. This fellow, the one who passed away, was very clearly of the same mindset, and his memorial celebration will certainly be one of the more lively events of the year, to locals at least. I wish I had known him.


So between my excellent morning in Pullman, and a fantastic, though brief, conversation with one of my favorite customers, it was a pretty good day. More adventures in absurdity, etc. when students get back and I'm not selling my soul to my job every day...


QOTD:
"The way I see it, every life is a pile of good things and bad things.The good things don't always soften the bad things, but vice-versa, the bad things don't necessarily spoil the good things and make them unimportant." - The Doctor

Thanks-You-For-Giving, 2010

Let me explain and just say that "Thanks-you-for-giving" is my father's way to say Thanksgiving. It's been a family joke for years.


Now, about Thanksgiving. What an....odd holiday. Spent the morning at home, pretty much determined to have a boring, lonely, depressed day. When a friend of mine texted me in the afternoon to invite me over for dinner, a part of me honestly wanted to say 'No, thanks' just so that I wasn't being intrusive on anyone else's family holiday, etc. 


First and foremost, I am thankful that today, I resisted the urge to be self-defeating and depressed, because tonight has been pretty stupendous. Went over to see Derek and Jessi at about 4:30, and met Jessi's mother and nephew. Jessi's mother made it a point to observe their family tradition of skipping a traditional "Grace" prayer on Thanksgiving night in favor of each person sitting at the dinner table sharing the things that they were grateful for in the past year. Gained some insight into Derek, Jessi, and her family, and had the best meal I've had in a LONG time. Left there and instead of going home, I decided to venture to Pullman to see one of my best friends, Brianne, and her fiance Dustin. When we discovered that Wal-Mart was doing a huge Black Friday sale at midnight, we realized that we had no choice but to go investigate. Best. Decision. Ever. 


Brianne was drunk, the place was PACKED with scary, bitter people waiting to snatch up the latest and greatest in Rolled Back prices, and we ended up purchasing all sorts of nifty things, from a $3 hand mixer to a $10 set of tupperware, to pillows. I've never been glared at more in my entire life. It was kind of awesome. Also, once we were in line, we looked back to find an older woman a couple of carts behind is, muttering obscenities and glaring at nearby passersby. Even more awesome. Brianne almost approached her, to ask if she was armed, so we could get out of the line of fire. Afterwards, though, it dawned on me, as we were trudging through the snow back to the car, that we were all 20-something individuals who are ABSOLUTELY GLEEFUL about buying fucking tupperware. When did that happen? That is unacceptable. Black Friday really does bring out the worst in people, I think. Everyone I met at Wal-mart was angry, sullen, or impatient to catch their 'big deal', and it bothered me. A lot. The highlight of the evening was Dustin yelling 'Anarchy! Anarchy!' about 3 minutes before all of the deals began. Even the employees appreciated that. However, aside from that moment, Black Friday has left me less than thrilled with humanity. This is an unfortunate place to be, and one that needs to be rectified as soon as possible.


QOTD
“Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.” - Howard Thurman

Thanksgiving Eve

So, as I'm writing this, at 3:50am, I am chatting with my mother on Facebook. It's nearly 7am for her, and if the 3 hour difference isn't bad enough, I've not yet gone to bed, and she is getting up for the day. This is proof that time travel is, in fact, real. There's no other effing explanation. She lives in my 'tomorrow'. I'm in her 'yesterday'. Just something to think about.


Also, first of all, I'd like to point out that this town is remarkably boring without any students in it.


Second, the roads are effing heinous without snow tires, chains, or a reasonable level of traction on one's tires.


Had an interview for a new job as a server today, and I don't find out any more information about the job until next week. Gross. 


Not much in the way of great stories today, as I mostly just left my apartment to go to my interview, then visited some friends of mine, who own a local restaurant. While there, I met a 6' tall African-American man named Cedric, his less African-American, more intelligent wife, and a man named Josh with the most impressively shaggy mountain-man beard I have ever seen in my life. Also learned that apparently there is a booming underground market for people who want smoked turkey for Thanksgiving. Who knew? 


Spent about 2 hours there, chatting with the owners of the restaurant, listening to them play video games at work (it was that slow today), and getting a pile of leftover food that they were going to have to throw out.


All in all, a decent, if somewhat uneventful day. Mostly contemplative, and full of chores around the house and quiet time, hiding from the snow/ice/cold/gross.




PS - After walking around in the snow, I HIGHLY recommend a mug of "European Hot Chocolate". It's made with dark chocolate so it's all bitter. 


QOTD:
“I wanted a perfect ending. Now I’ve learned, the hard way, that some poems don’t rhyme, and some stories don’t have a clear beginning, middle and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what’s going to happen next. Delicious ambiguity." - Gilda Radner

11/23/2010

Had a very short, but amusing moment today at Safeway after work. I was in line, getting ready to pay for my belongings behind an elderly couple. This couple was purchasing cat litter, and as the tiny, adorable young lady behind the register lifted the enormous, man-killing sack of said litter, the older gentleman purchasing it remarked, "Wow...ya know, you don't even need to lift weights workin' here! I mean, what is there, gravel in those bags?!" followed by chuckling for an inordinately long time to himself, during which time his wife paid for his groceries, and the lady at the register and I exchanged an amused glance. All of this is pretty typical of any older customer with an awful sense of humor, but after the couple left, the lady behind the register paused for a moment, waiting for them to get out of earshot before turning to me. I laughed, and said to her, "You know...pretty sure cat litter actually is gravel, but, you know...whatever melts his popsicle, right?"

Her response? "Yeahhh....well...his popsicle has been frozen solid since he married her...and excuse my language, but I don't know what the hell is up with old men and making bad jokes at me....Ugh."

I love those simple moments of honesty from strangers, you know? Especially ones who work in customer service. I have no idea how or why people feel like they can be honest with me, but it really does make my day, every time.

Also, instituting a Quote of the Day. Starting now. Just, whatever happens to move me, or inspire me in the moment of my writing this. Today's was inspired by the Thanksgiving holiday, and I feel that it perfectly encapsulates my sentiments on the holidays in general. Enjoy your long weekends and time with family, readers.
  
                  -Richard

QOTD:
"Well there'll be smilin', there'll be laughin'
Well that's good enough for me
There'll be dancing all around you
This is where you want to be

So pile your boots up in the corner
Hang your jacket from the door
There's thirty people in the kitchen
And there's always room, yes there's always room"

Great Big Sea - Goin' Up

11/22/2010

I hate to say it, but between working for most of the day, and trudging through snow and not having many customers AT work today, there really wasn't anything super-exciting to report. Which sucks. Though I'm glad I remembered to at least hop on here and say so. Sorry, readers. Better luck tomorrow.

11/21/2010

Former roommate/coworker, and current good friend Andrea came into town today from Seattle, and good times were had. Went to Mingles at about 10pm to meet up with her and other coworker/good friend Ridley...the following are several snippets of GOLD from our time spent there:

• Random bar patron throwing a condom filled with sour cream at the bartender.
• The bartender showing us said condom.
• Me asking if that was, in fact, a condom.
• Him replying that it was not, and was actually a pastry-decorating bag thingy, and that the tip just hadn't been cut off yet.
• Numerous "She Say Dat" (That's what she said) jokes - primarily stemming from conversations about work, customers, alcohol, Andrea shaking her phone to get her ridiculous Mixology app to work (PS - highly recommended app for the serious alcoholic), and drink names, notable the Singapore Sling, Dirty Banana, and Frigid Hairy Virgin - which is delicious.
• Eavesdropping to hear another bar patron talking to his friends about his "Super safe, but expensive" mystery car, that was capable of speeds of 150 km/h (he used that specific measurement in America, mind you...where Kilometers are mostly made-up numbers because we have no fucking idea how the metric system works), but cost so much to maintain that it "literally" (read: figuratively) drove him bankrupt, since parts were so expensive, and even the BUMPERS didn't work! (As far as how a car bumper can malfunction, your guess is as good as mine...)
• Same incredibly drunk bar patron signing his credit card receipt "Saudi Arabia" for some reason, and then TELLING the bartender that he did it, "you know...like for entertainment and fun and stuff".
• Watching said bar patron check out a set of pool balls with 15 minutes before the bar closed, and then spend 10 of those minutes looking for the triangle to rack the balls, after painstakingly arranging them by hand in a neat, somewhat tight formation, only to have our bartender point out where it was after they'd set them all up manually, with 6 minutes until the bar closed.
• Introducing Ridley to the game of "racing your drunk", which is to say, having a drink, getting in your car, and heading to your destination faster than the alcohol processes properly in your system. (Not a recommended maneuver, by the way. I've never actually done it, but it sounds kinda shady.)
• Sloe Gin is disgusting. I now know this to be true.
• Apparently I have a "Stand-Up Mode"
• I'm a fan of "Stand-Up Mode"
• Ridley is not somuch a fan of "Stand-Up Mode"
• I've VERY recently discovered that I fucking love making lists.

So. There you are. Decent enough evening. Bartender seemed to enjoy our patronage, as he was very pleasant, and spending some time with Andrea was equally pleasant. Goodnight, folks. 

11/20/2010

So, I had just finished work at about 6:10 this evening, and had a ticket to go see Harry Potter tonight. I was somewhat peckish from having not eaten all day at work, and I'm always far too cheap for movie theatre popcorn, etc. So I decided to hit the Dollar Store prior to the movie in order to just grab a box of candy to chew on during the film. As I approached the door, I was met by a young, terrifyingly thin blonde girl, with a Safeway bag. She looked at me, and said 'Welcome to Dollar Tree. I'm standing here...you know...to greet people!' followed by a bout of fairly crazy-person laughter. I walked into the store, and she followed me. I watched her for a moment, completely silently, and noticed that two of the employees there were doing the exact same thing, waiting for her to leave. Upon her exit from the store, I looked at the two employees, who were exchanging knowing glances, as apparently she had been harassing customers and employees alike for upwards of 15 minutes, and said to them, "I had no idea that the Dollar Store sold meth now!"

According to one of them, they do in fact sell it out of the back of the store, which is where this woman must have procured her VERY recent dosage. After a couple of minutes of joking back and forth about "Susie Strung-Out", my starbursts were given to me for free.

Not one of my finer stories, and it really does work best if you'd been there, but having spent most of today at work, and having only created this blog at about 2 in the afternoon, it was the best I could think up. Still, a fairly amusing moment in my day. Tomorrow will be better.

Growing Down?

You know, I think growing up is entirely over-rated. Near as I can tell, being "grown up" is just a way to rationalize having a mediocre job, a decent salary, and a routine. 

Fuck That.

I say, break routine, forget about the money, and do what you love. It's worth the risk of failure, to have a chance at greatness, which is what this blog is all about. My passion is making people happy. I'm not talking about changing lives, or affecting any sort of massive scale. Instead, my humble aim is to cause as many laughs  in as many people as possible, with a goal of three every day, whether they're close friends or complete strangers. To that end, I hope to write down at least one of those stories every day, no matter how seemingly mundane or simple the moment may have been, both in an effort to preserve them for myself, and perhaps bring one or two more smiles to the faces of my readers. I will be actively fighting overly-serious individuals, in favor of absurdity and....whatever the opposite of "growing up" is. So, here we go, I suppose. Today's story will come later, presumably after it's happened.

PS - I have been slowly gaining momentum in my own life, moving, if not towards good habits, at least away from the bad ones. It's been a slow process, and one that will continue to take every ounce of willpower I have. Which is why I am asking you, dearest Reader, to aid me. Provide feedback to my writing, let me know what you honestly think about my thoughts, and perhaps most importantly, if I happen to fall out of the habit of writing daily, harass me about it. Don't let me get away with that. I know that your attention is a lot to ask, but it should only be for the first little while. After I've developed the habit of writing daily, it will come naturally to me. Thank you for reading, and thank you in advance for your aid in getting things on track.